Why are people’s reproductive choices or family situations considered open game for small talk? As a fertility doctor, patients talk to me about this all the time. While they are struggling to complete their family with fertility treatments they are bombarded with questions from family, friends, and even strangers about their reproductive plans and choices. As a woman, I have been asked inappropriate questions from well-meaning strangers (assume best intentions), but enough already!
Just in case you can’t figure this out on your own or you know someone who just doesn’t get it – here are 5 things you should never say to someone else as small talk:
2.“When are you having another child?”
Again, none of your business. I struggled to try to conceive my second child and the questions about when I was going to give my daughter a sibling started at her first birthday party. I felt like I could not enjoy her for a moment and needed to plan for a sibling. As the months and years went by and the second child was getting out of the ‘siblings should be two years apart’ ideal – the questions intensified and so did my stress. The person you are talking to could be struggling to conceive another child and you are rubbing it in and reminding them of their failure when you ask this question.
Lora Shahine, MD
Dr. Lora Shahine, joined Pacific NW Fertility after completing her fellowship in Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility at Stanford University. During her time at Stanford, Dr. Shahine served as a Clinical Instructor in the department of Obstetrics and Gynecology, contributed several research publications in women’s health and infertility, and trained in one of the few Centers for Recurrent Pregnancy Loss in the United States.
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