Coping With Miscarriage

Coping With Miscarriage

TTC Endometriosis pain, Coping with MiscarriageThe unexpected loss of a pregnancy in the first 20 weeks is a shocking and devastating experience, especially for those who have struggled with infertility. It is important to remember that the pain you are feeling now will not be anywhere near as intense a few months from now, and that grief is a natural response to the loss, even though people around you may not understand that.

“The pain you are feeling now will not be anywhere near as intense a few months from now.”

Although the awareness of the emotional impact of pregnancy loss is beginning to be more widely understood, there are still people who regard miscarriages, especially early ones, as not being that big a deal and who think that those who are deeply affected by these losses are over-reacting.

It may reassure you to know that most people do go through a grieving process following a miscarriage that follows a somewhat predictable course. In the early days following a loss the following experiences are very common:

  • Emotional numbing
  • Difficulty eating, sleeping or focusing
  • Exhaustion
  • Guilt (and obsessive thoughts of what you should have done to prevent the loss)
  • Intense Anger (towards yourself, your body, your partner or your doctor)
  • A sense of feeling punished for something you did wrong
  • Fearing more losses (e.g. anxiety that your partner will get into an accident)
  • Unpredictable waves of intense sadness and tearfulness

If you can, it’s a good idea to take some time off work and reduce your normal activities for a week or so to recover both physically and emotionally. Staying open to your feelings and not burying them or avoiding them is an important step in working through your grief. Writing or talking about your feelings can be helpful. Doing art work, keeping an art journal or writing a poem or song can be very healing as well.  Journaling, writing

The main thing to remember is to treat yourself gently and do what you need to do to support yourself through this process so that you can eventually accept the loss and begin your preparations for another pregnancy or another way to grow your family.

Kim Kluger-Bell, LMFT
| | + posts

Kim Kluger-Bell is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She consults with major fertility clinics nationwide and provides counseling and assessments for egg donors, gestational carriers and patients using these procedures. She is the author of Unspeakable Losses: Healing from Miscarriage, Infertility and Abortion, as well as a series of books for donor conceived children entitled The Pea That Was Me and a surrogacy series called The Very Kind Koala.

Click to add a comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

More in Infertility

infertility, thankful, holidays

Ten Things To Be Thankful For During the Holidays

Kim Kluger-Bell, LMFTNovember 23, 2017
Injections follicle stimulating hormones

10 Things I Wish I’d Known Before Doing IVF

DanaNovember 8, 2017
advice, fertility support, ttc, infertility

5 Things You Should Never Say at a Party

Lora Shahine, MDAugust 29, 2017

The Cost of Delaying Motherhood

DanaAugust 22, 2017
Infertility, IVF

Why An Oscar Nominated Director Made A Film About Infertility

DanaJune 27, 2017
IVF Secondary Infertility, donor egg, surrogacy, parenting advice

Talking To Your Kids About Their Donor or Surrogate

Kim Kluger-Bell, LMFTJune 25, 2017

Talking Fertility is a resource and community for people who are trying to conceive. Whether you're just starting out or you're having fertility struggles - our goal is to provide place that's supportive, informative and helpful in maintaining your physical and mental health while you pursue your family goals.

Please contact us with questions, comments, stories or anything else you'd like to share. We look forward to hearing from you!

Copyright © 2017 Talking Fertility *** Information and statements are made for education purposes and are NOT intended to replace the advice of your doctor. Talking Fertility does not dispense medical advice, prescribe, or diagnose illnesses. The views and advice expressed on Talking Fertility are not in any way intended to be a substitute for medical service. If you have health concerns or a medical condition, contact your physician.